Ultimate RWBY randomness
by Kotaku101
Summary: Ruby trains to become the ultimate meme-lord Rated M for swearing and hinted adult themes
1. ANProlouge

Hello! Welcome to Ultimate RWBY Randomness!

This fanfic consist of:

-Complete and utter Randomness and humor

-Request of what the character should do can be requested.

-Ruby is a meme-lord

-gay

-Mentioned ships

-WTF are they doing

-Why do I even bother

-Vol. 1-2 setting no sad stuff yet

-request whatever you want! This fanfic will have a slight plot

This is however, my first fanfic specifically on I've written tons of others on different platforms and i'm definitely no pro so i'm still learning guys. The fanfic is mostly just about running gags and I really just don't know so we shall see where it goes.


	2. Flight-Corgi

"BUT YANG PYRRHA TOLD ME I COULD!"

"I only asked you if you believed in destiny, but that's none of my business."

These are the casual events that take place in team RWBY's dorm almost everyday. "Besides, Ruby, I'm the meme-lord." Yang had smoothly spoke. "Actually yang aren't you the pun-lord? Or lord of cheesy jokes.." Juane mumbled that last part to himself, unwilling to witness the what would happen if Yang heard him. " _Orange_ you glad I'm not an edge-lord?" Everyone in the room groaned.

"By the way where's Blake? Didn't she say she was getting food or something?" Weiss was thinking of why the cat-eared girl could be taking so long. Suddenly, the sound of a speaker on a nearby table started blasting the bass-boosted version of _Take On Me_ and _Shooting Stars_ , Alarming the students in the room.

"Who the hell put the speaker on?" Nora wondered out loud.

"BOW DOWN TO ME FOOLS!" Ruby had appeared to be wearing a dinosaur-suit in the middle of the room dancing like a drunken turkey. Ruby picked up Zwei as everyone in the room watched in shock while Ruby threw the corgi out of the window. "TAAAAAAKE OOOOOON MEEEEEEEE" was heard as Ruby sped out of the room from the window after Zwei.

"What type of drugs is she on?" Ren wanted to know for "Training reasons"

"I'd like to give a brief history on what the fuck just happened. To start off, When Ruby is exposed to the minimum amount of strawberries, being 34, She becomes like this. The maximum number must never be exceeded or you'll all die or whatever."

"And what would the Maximum amount be?"

"Excellent question, Princess. That's currently unknown."

"Wait where did jnpr go?" Only the W and Y were left in the room. Weiss contemplating everything that just happened, went over to look out the window, not seeing her leaders body.

"Yang I think this bitch is dead."

"Yang?"

Yang broke the glass of another random window whilst jumping out like a flying torpedo.

* * *

"AH-OH FUCK" Ruby managed to get Zwei but they were still falling after 7 seconds.

"ZWEI ACTIVATE FLIGHT-CORGI!" With that command zwei sprouted wings from his back. "use extension: Rainbow-corgi." Zwei started farting rainbows which let him glide through the night-sky.

"Zwei, fly off into the sunset."

They almost burned to death for the sake of them going a bit too far.

* * *

On extraordinarily boring day at beacon, WY was perishing from boredom.

"I thought I would have died from all those secret pictures I took of Blake in the shower, not this boring-ass day." The heiress sighed, "Yang, I thought you would have died from the amount of bleach you have in your hair by now."

The Brawler noticed the familiar burning sensation of rage in her hair, but decided to let Weiss off of the hook. Its not like there's much to argue about right now either. She would just pull a 'harmless' prank later.

"Wait, what were you saying about pictures of Me in the shower?" Weiss didn't notice the door open and close as she was studying at one of the desk.' _shit_ _she_ _cant find out_..'Yang's thoughts were interrupted by an _extremely_ Angry looking Blake near her face.

"Chill out _Kitty_ its an inside joke." Blake cringed at the given nickname. Yang smirked.

"I'm smart enough to know that wasn't an inside joke _firecrotch_." now it was Blake's turn to smirk. Unable to predict what was coming, yang replied.

"How would you know I had a firecrotch, _Blakey_? Yang had a smug look on her face as she watched Blake visibly blush and look away.

Blake wanted to wipe that smug look off of her goddamn face. So she did. Blake got a bottle of Windex and a wash cloth. Yang watched curiously before her face changed into a look of disbelief. "You...Wouldn't dare?"

Yang got a mouthful of Windex and Blake walked away with a sense of pride and victory. The hidden spectators, Ruby and Weiss were recording and taking pics before dashing away laughing their asses off.

* * *

"Yeah man, and then the trash-ass author made me try to be a memelord!"

"What?"

"nothing"

 **Chapter end-**

 ***This is actual trash wtf**

 ***You can request anything you want to see in this fanfic in the reviews, or you can dm me.**


	3. Blake Tries to kill Zwei

**Some scenarios I have in this chapter are inspired and basically based off of some RWBY edits I found. Here's the creator: .com**

 **Don't forget to leave request for what you want to see in later chapters!**

* * *

"Listen up humans, I have a crucial announcement."

wy and jnpr were gathered around Ruby, who seemed eager about whatever this was. "Why must you address us by our species dolt?" Ruby glanced at Weiss and pouted. "that was _supposed_ to be a dramatic opening to what I was saying. I'm tired of your bullshit, Rice."

"Since when did you start cussing? And my name isn't _Rice_ You dunce." Weiss was a bit taken back by hearing Ruby curse for the first time. "Oh sorry _princess_ I meant _Cowshit_ what the fuck do you expect me to say? Sugar honey iced tea?"

It didn't take Weiss long to meekly say "um...yes?" Ruby decided to continue her announcement. "As I was saying, I've got an announcement. Follow me and don't ask questions."

Everyone decided it would be best to just go along with the plan. Ruby took a green-carpet path through the halls of beacon. The bright, white lights started dimming as they ascended even further into the path Ruby seemed to know by heart.

"We're here." Ruby pulled out a key-card and opened the door to a futuristic looking room. "Welcome friends, to the ultimate entertainment room!" Looking around the room there very visibly were several different consoles and gaming PC setups, each led color attached to the back of the desk's corresponding to the respected person's color.

"How?" someone was finally able to break the ice. "I had some help from SSSN and CVFY. They have their own hangout. your key-cards are on the table." "Nice job, sis!" Yang broke out of the trance and hugged her sister. "Just know this isn't only an entertainment room. I SAID I WANTED TO BE THE MEMELORD SO GODDAMMIT I WILL!"

"Watch your _fucking_ profanity"

"Ok"

"Uh, wheres Blake?"

"This bitch is always no where to be seen."

* * *

 _ **5 hours earlier**_

"GET THE FUCKING DOG!"

"Blake its just Zwei, hes friendly."

"NO BITCH ITS NOT, PICK THAT DEMONIC FUCKING _THING_ UP!"

Blake was attempting to use those moves she saw in an anime once to run around the sides of the walls. "KILL IT WITH FIRE" Blake pulled a fire extinguisher out of yang's cleavage and proceeded to spray at zwei like she did whilst playing that one fps game.

"Damn, I should just leave the camera on 24/7 you guys do some _steamy_ stuff when Ruby and I aren't here."

"Now the _real_ question Ice queen, is what _you and Ruby_ do When you leave?"

"Um...Uh...DON'T GO INTO THE ROOM WITH THE PURPLE DOOR IN THE 4TH CORRIDOR!"

Blake, frantically trying to find an escape from the corgi, she followed Weiss' directions. Weiss started shaking in her boots in fear of what Blake could possibly witness in she and Ruby's secretive room.

"CURSE MY HABIT OF BLURTING OUT SECRETS UNDER PRESSURE"

Blake hasn't been seen since that morning.

* * *

"Oi, Cinder weren't we supposed to set off 30 minutes ago?"

"Fuck off i'm playing Destiny."

The Nefarious plan that was supposed to be set into action ages ago is being delayed due to the older-woman's urge to play an ironic sounding game. "FINE I'LL DO IT MYSELF THEN"

The half-naked red headed villain angrily stormed out, making sure to grab the two _idiots_ and dramatically strut out of the lair.

"Well that takes care of them huh, Neo?"

Neo came out of hiding, revealing herself to Cinder. "We need to address something Neo."

"You need to stop sneaking into bed with people its fucking creepy. I'm the only Exception."

Neo nodded with a smug look on her face, leaving the room with a smoke bomb.

* * *

"And that's how I basically almost murdered my sister!" Ruby chuckled at Yang's story knowing very well that it was just a course of revenge for her.

"Hey guys I brought food" Blake was standing in the doorway, holding several bags of _Beacon bell_.

"Blake, you're a whole dang chapter late."

"what?"

"nothing."


	4. Neo gets Ruby drunk

_**I'm still trying to improve my writing, so I try to write and publish often despite how easy it might sound**_

* * *

"Who got Ruby drunk?" Yang was trying to be as calm as possible as her tone was simple but dripping with dread. "I do believe that was none of us." ' _Who_ _would be so stupid as to mess with Ruby_?' Weiss thought to herself.

"THEN WHO WAS IT!?" Yang's eyes transitioned into a deep scarlet red as she looked accusingly into Weiss' soul. "I dunno maybe you should look into last nights events." Yang paused to think for a moment, realizing she had completely forgotten about that in her fit of rage.

"Ruby you can come out now." Ruby shifted and crawled from other Weiss' bed, a drunken blush on her face. "Heeeeeeyy guuuyss" Ruby's speech was slurred. "How is she even still drunk? Didn't she sleep?" Blake wondered out loud. "Rubes, what do you remember from last night?"

"Th-thiis ice cre-eeam h-haired gurrrrl, Graaabed m-me or somthin" Ruby was trying to balance, feeling extremely tipsy since last night. "What the fuck did you even just say?" Weiss looked confused. "NEO! It must have been her..Who the shit else has hair that looks like an the ice-cream man threw up on their head?"

"What happened next?" Yang looked over to Ruby just to see her flirting with Weiss. "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyy guuuuurlll, I-I wasss wonderiing if yooou h-had an extraa heart, cuasse mine waaas juust stoolen." Weiss Stared blankly at Ruby before replying. "Who the fuck told you that I even had one heart?"

Ruby mumbled something into Weiss' ear that caused Weiss to stand up almost robotic-ally. Weiss grabbed ruby with one hand, grabbed a mysterious liquid filled bottle, and ran out of the room to the 4th corridor.

"Goddamn it."

* * *

 ** _Last night_**

"yeah, so all you need to do is get her drunk and bring her here. Can't have her messing up my plans again." It took Cinder 2 hours to come up with such a dull plan. "Why do you want to destroy her completely though? What other things has she even done?" Mercury addressed. Cinder started quaking in her heels. "She is an extraordinarily strong opponent. A few days ago, I saw her riding on a flying, _fucking_ , _Corgi_."

"We'll just be on our way now. Come on, Neo." As soon as they were gone, Cinder immediately started up Skyrim on her ps3.

A sober Ruby was walking out at night to get some pick-up line lessons, when Emerald, Neo, and Mercury, stared into her soul and started ominously walking towards her. Ruby didn't have her weapon on her, so she tried a technique that almost always works.

"TAKE ME INTO YOUR _FUCKING_ AAAAAAAAAAAAAARMS"

"..Is she already drunk?"

"Nah"

Neo took out a bottle of some hard vodka, while Emerald and Mercury held Ruby down as she was yelling incoherent vines. After Neo made Ruby a bit of the Vodka she took out the bottle. "We don't want to give her alcohol poisoning now do we?" Neo held up a sign that she probably pulled out of her ass.

"Where has that sign been?" Another sign had had magically appeared from behind her back that read some text. '*you don't need to know*.' Shrugging, Emerald and Mercury heaved Ruby over her back and brought her down to cinder.

"Did you get her?"

"Yeah"

Ruby stumbled into beacon and passed out at the doors after several hours of Cinder flirting with her, interrogating her, and playing on her ps3. They had to let her leave because Cinder got a bit drunk as well. Yang found Ruby and the floor while going out to head to a bar and got her to bed.

* * *

Ruby woke up in the middle of the night and went to jnpr's room. She walked in on the odd scene of Pyrrha making out with Juane on Nora's bed. Still tipsy, and energetic for some strange reason, Ruby attempts to make conversation.

"Heeey guuuyss, c-can I joiiiin?

Pyrrha, not wanting to share Juane, proceeded to grab Juane with one hand, and break through the window and ran off with Juane. Ruby made her way back to her room, and crashed under Weiss' bed.

* * *

"Does anyone ever wonder whats in that random room Weiss and Ruby always go into?"

"NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW!"


	5. Ruby Becomes One With The Cookies

_**Hi guys! Sorry for the lack of Uploads, School is opening pretty soon. I'll probably retort to publishing 2 times a week or so.**_

* * *

"BLAKE! THIS WEBSITE SAYS IT'S GONNA GIVE ME FREE COOKIES!"

Ruby was browsing Rem-net, yet again. "You mean if you could agree to them using cookies?" Blake looked up from her desktop, writing something everyone assumed was a report for a class.

"No Blake, It legitimately says click here for free cookies!"

Now getting Blake's full attention, Ruby nodded for Blake to come over to her PC to see for herself. Click here to immediately get free cookies through your disc slot.

Ruby Shrugged "Seems legit." Before Blake could say that it wasn't a good idea, Ruby had clicked the cookie-shaped button. As if it were magic, Cookies started rapidly firing out of Ruby's PC. "HELL YEAH FREE COOKIES!"

Blake thought that nothing could surprise her anymore. She was proven wrong.

* * *

"Roman! I demand you give me new NEFARIOUS plans this instant!"

Cinder, the head of the random lair in the middle of nowhere, hasn't left her spot at the sofa in 4 days. "And while your at it, grab me a slice of Grimm and pineapple pizza."

Roman's face transitioned into one of disgust as he felt he was committing a crime despite being a criminal himself. Hesitantly deciding he wouldn't put up with Cinder, and her lazy gamer antics any longer, he spoke up aggressively.

"Cinder, I have put up with your antics for far too long. I demand you get off the Couch and do it your self. While you're at it, why don't you also pause that stupid game of yours, AND THINK OF YOUR OWN _**FUCKING** _PLANS!"

The silence in the room resonated only for 15 solid seconds until The Black haired Villain stood up. "FUCK!" But, she fell as soon as she did due to not standing in four days. She hesitantly stood up and stretched, all while making her way towards the cane-wielder.

Roman regretted even thinking of defying the lazy Villain.

"If you ever say, or do any stupid shit like this again, I will not hesitate to Break. Your. Dick. Off. Now start naming those Plans."

Cinders voice was indifferent and Monotonous. Which is what scared Roman the most. "Also, it's Miss Fall to you. Cinder decided to grab the pizza herself and sit back down on the couch waiting for her minion to start listing stuff.

"Well, we can start off by leaving out getting 15 year old's drunk again...that didn't work out like we thought. How about luring them in with something they like or are attracted to?"

"sounds decent."

Mercury stepped out of his room to comment. "I know what to do. After all, I have been in and out of the areas they think they are alone in."

"well Shit then let's start the Plan..."

* * *

"Hey Blake-shake whatcha doin?" Yang being the flirt she is, checked up on Blake, ignoring the bodacious amounts of cookies her little sister was rolling in. "Just writing, nothing much." Looking closer at the screen, Yang saw her name visibly on the screen a few words away from Blake's name.

"Ah, so it's about us? Yang questioned. Blake get herself get a bit nervous. "*I thought Yang didn't read?"* Blake thought to herself.

Instead of using a regular excuse, Blake thought it would be better to just save the document and run. Along the run, Blake skid into Jnpr's dorm and explained the situation to Ren, and Nora.

"So you can take over the fanfic right!?" Blake frantically asked. Nora and Ren just nodded. Both having a smirk on their faces.

"Let's add some dirt to this beehive."

"You mean a lemon?"

"I'm having a moment Nora give me a second."

* * *

-_-Extras-_-

Ruby: Yang help please omg

Yang: Yeah What happened?

Ruby: Im stukf in the pc room help

Blake: I'm trying to lift her out of the pile of cookies... They all turned Into some sort of concrete.

Weiss: HELP MY SWEET

Yang: ha, GAAAAAAAAAYYY

Ruby: You're one to talk

Yang: Got me there Redhead

Blake: shut-up fire crotch

Yang: Again, how would you know Blakey?

Ruby: The real question is why we can't just call

Yang: Good question sis


	6. Weiss is eaten by a mirror

Another definitely irregular day was to be had in the iconic team rwby's dorm room. Ruby was pacing back and forth in front of the random mirror Weiss placed in a corner of the room.

"Stop pacing around the room you fiend, can't you see I'm studying!?"

Weiss, whom had tried to Justify was studying, was in fact reading Ruby's book of pick-up lines.

"I'm sorry Weiss I'm just nervous." Ruby's voice was filled with one of nervousness to follow-up.

"Might I ask you why?" Weiss' voice became soft and less intense.

"Awww you do have a soft side when we're not in the room.."

A light blush crept upon Weiss' face before becoming intense again. "Don't make me make you regret it you insufferable dolt."

Weiss realized Ruby wasn't in the room anymore after not hearing a response from her. "What is it with people disappearing without a **_fucking_** trace?"

Since Weiss was casually talking out loud, the mirror in the corner just so happened to grow legs and run over to Weiss Ike a turkey on the loose.

"HOLY SHIZZLE DIZZLE!-"

Weiss never got to finish her sentence mainly due to the mirror also sprouting hands and pulling Weiss into the mirror that somehow turned into a portal.

Yang and Blake waltzed into their dorm seeing the last few seconds of Weiss being eaten by the mirror itself.

"I've seen more complicated crap anyways. Worse case scenario she stays wherever she is forever with no possible exit whatsoever."

A deeper voice was heard from behind them accompanied with the strong scent of Alcohol.

"UNCLE QROW!" YANG locked him into a bone crushing hug almost making him spill his drink.

"Nice to see you too, kiddo."

"Maybe we should try saving the Schnee from her death. If I let her die, Ruby wou- or will try to kill me with her memes."

* * *

"WHY THE HELL DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING!?"

Weiss was falling somewhere where it was for some reason, light. Almost blinding. Below was a small puddle of water which immensely relieved Weiss to large extent. Eventually she expected to land in it.

"Wait what-"

Weiss fell through the puddle to a darker room. "I'm getting sick of this shit."

Finnaly, Weiss landed ungracefully on a mattress. Looking around the void of darkness Weiss saw a dim light near what is supposed to be the center of the room.

"OI, ANYONE THERE!"

Weiss seemed to pick up her incredibly stupid antic from hanging around Ruby and Yang too much. Even Blake had shown a 'Specific side' only to her teammates that she thought would never be shown, EVER.

" **Thump** "

" **ARGHH** "

"That goddamned mirror.."

A deep voice came from the center of the room followed up with a groan of displeasure.

"Weiss-cream? you there?"

"Yeah? Yang?

Reunited once again, the trio was faced with another obstacle.

"So how are we gonna get out of here?"

"Well, I can turn into a bird?"

"DON'T FUCK WITH ME, I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY- CRAP!"

Ruby, Coming out of nowhere all of a sudden, again, was flying on Zwei until they hit a wall.

"We can use Zwei to escape then?" The Blonde Brawler said-non sarcastically."

"Kid, what did I tell you about cursing?"

"it's ok as long as I don't say crap?"

"CRAP IS THE ULTIMATE CUSS WORD!"

* * *

 ** _5 minutes before_**

"Is dating a weapon legal, Yang?" Ruby asked with curiosity.

"Well I know it is in Patch..." Yang answered, unfazed as ever.

"Thanks sis!"

Ruby ran off to find her next victim.

"Hey dad! Is dating a weapon legal?"

"ACK!" Taiyang fell out of his chair onto the floor in shock.

"Uh... Sure sweetheart. Like to tell me why you got here so suddenly?"

Ruby already bolted out the door, Content with her amount of confirmed answers and went to fetch her soon to be Girlfriend.

"I haven't seen Zwei in a while..."

Ruby ran to a stop in the room she expected Zwei to be in.

"Zwei? why are you sniffing the mirror? Ruby asked Zwei as if he would answer. Zwei ran towards Ruby, indicating for her to jump on, and Ran into the mirror.

* * *

"now that we are all out of the 'mirror' let's firstly get rid of this thing so I can go on my date."

Yang almost choked upon hearing that. Qrow fell back and stayed on the floor, and Weiss sat up from on Ruby's bed and stared at her. Ruby took Crescent Rose and was about to shatter it before Blake came through the mirror with Very large book.

"Don't break it. I think it's a portal.. The book says so."

"Screw the book Blake, the mirror fucking ate me!"

"no"

"Well I guess I'll just go on that date then, come on crescent rose."

As if it was magic, A human figure emerged from the weapons original form,

"Be right back rose, I need to get ready!"

Ruby kissed Rose on the nose before running to the bathroom.

"Hey, Ruby..." Yang started to think

She looked over to Rose.

"Rose." She smirked. No one said anything.

Blake disappeared back into the portal claiming it as her 'private spot.'

Ruby came out of the bathroom after 50 seconds.

She had on a black and white button up flannel with a red tie because she wanted to be edgy. She wore black cargo shorts that were up to her knees and wore a brown belt. The icing on the cake were thug life glasses she had on her face along with a fedora.

Crescent rose wore a casual red and black attire though you would have thought she'd have been naked. Her hair was also a dark black with no secondary colors.

"Since when was your weapon able to do this?"

Qrow and Weiss asked at the same time.

"Since I found out how to use dust in this way, duh."

* * *

 ** _4 hours later_**

"That was a great date, Rose."

"Yes it was Ruby." Crescent Rose giggled

"What do you think everyone at home is doing?"

"Well, Considering your drunken uncle is there, I'd say Weiss is trying to get herself drunk, and Yang is trying to get Blake drunk for reasons.

"You're so smart Rose!"

Ruby and Rose walked back to beacon in comfortable silence.

"AnOtHeR ShoOt heree"

"Weiss, no more alcohol for you. Save that for Blake."

"I'm still sober, you know that right? Also, isn't Ruby supposed to be here by now?"

Ruby and Rose entered the dorms.

"Why is it always that when we talk about someone they suddenly appear?"

"Cause magic, have another shot."

"How was the date Rubes?"

"It was great!"

"Hope you didn't do any naughty teenager stuff with Rose over there.." Yang smirked teasingly.

"I'll pretend you never asked my that question.."

Crescent Rose returned to her original weapon form.

"Pass me 2 shots of vodka for Blake."

Ruby poured an entire cup.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE HER ALCOHOL POISONING!?" Weiss greeted Ruby from the top bunk.

"Give it to me instead."

"oh, you're still here uncle Qrow?" Qrow nodded put the drink in his flask before flying off. He hit the window though.

"Guess Weiss will sleep with me again tonight."

"Again? What did I tell you about naughty teenager stuff L'il sis?"

Yang was paying attention to the now-drunken Blake. Those 4 shots she had taken 12 minutes ago now working its magic.

"Well, who knows really..."

* * *

 ** _Extras_**

"Yang, Do you ever think Weiss and Blake are secretly plotting our deaths?"

"What! Nonsense, they love us!"

"Ok, but I saw them with a large board with our faces on it when I went into our dorms last week.."

"Maybe they're planning a surprise birthday party!"

"My birthday's in October."

"oh"

"Well, why don't we go check on them then!"

Ruby and Yang opened the door to their dorm just to see Weiss and Blake in full out suits and Ties, pointing out pictures and ideas on the board.

"We can also invest in a strawberry and chocolate cake for Ruby's birthday. As for Yang, maybe Vanilla?"

Closing the door gently, Ruby turned to Yang.

"Guess you're right" Ruby shrugged.

"That was a close one!" Blake heaved a breathe.

"I know Right! When are their birthdays anyway? Who knows?"

"Back to the main plan. So, we could force yang to do Karaoke while drunk to make her throat hurt for a while. She won't be making any stupid puns for a while."

"I like it. But we aren't going to hurt Ruby Right?"

" ** _Omg_** just fucking make out already!"

* * *

Wow the newest chapter is a few weeks late. Been procrastinating a bit huh?

I'm going to try to make a schedule to update maybe on Thursdays and Mondays? Either both or one or the other. I'll try to post at least once a week.

Request for Chapters are available if you review or dm me. You can choose which perspective you want. (Narrator or POV or Both) And what its about generally.

*No full out lemons hinted nsfw is ok though

*List what characters you want to be in mainly


End file.
